Medication+Me=Scary

I spent a good portion of my life as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac (well some doctors agreed) thanks to a lovely episode of Charlie Brown I watched when I was in 2nd grade. It was called "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?" and it FUCKED. ME. UP. Here's the rundown of the episode:

Linus is instantly taken with a cute blonde girl named Janice, who has enrolled at the neighborhood school. Needless to say, his heart falls as Janice is diagnosed with leukemia. As Janice loses her hair from chemotherapy, Linus challenges his classmates' narrow-minded attitudes towards her illness... while Snoopy tackles the role of "World's Greatest Surgeon." For decades, Why Charlie Brown, Why? has helped children to understand what happens when someone they love is sick.

Immediately following this show my "cancerous" symptoms appeared just like Janice's. I had bruises on my arms that took a while to go away, so I thought. I also convinced myself I was tired all the time and that I quite possibly had a fever. I put my parents through hell and back, although I think I put myself through more than anyone. I frequented the ER so many times for my "symptoms" I knew all the nurse's and doctor's names and even gave them gifts for the holidays. They treated me like they would any actual sick patient and for that I am thankful. For some reason the only person/people I could believe were the folks at the hospital. If my mom or dad told me nothing was wrong it would make my "symptoms" that much worse. I had panic attacks (and still do, but no where near as bad) so bad I actually couldn't breath and would get extremely dizzy. I found there were a couple things that helped when I felt a panic attack was coming. Sleeping in my parents bedroom, taking my placebo meds (TUMS...I was only 8...but ya they still do the trick to this day), and keeping the television on all night long. I've watched so many infomercials growing up it's insane.

Anyway, getting to the point of this blog. I grew up NOT wanting to take meds. I hate the idea of relying on medicine unless it's 100% necessary. I take TUMS, that's it for the most part. Occasionally I'll take an IB Profin, but only if I'm in severe enough pain. When I gave birth to my son I was sure I didn't want medications but was told I NEEDED them to make the process go faster. (Side note: You have to watch The Business of Being Born) I was given a shot in my back (NOT an epidural) to numb me from the waste down but was in shock when my entire body went numb. It caused one of the biggest panic attacks I've ever had. No one was prepared for my reaction to the drug and I ended up throwing up all over the place. Throughout the remainder of my labor I felt the same sensation you would feel as your foots waking up from my shoulders to the top of my head. It itched and hurt at the same time. I couldn't scratch the itch because it felt like it was inside my face. I ended up using a wet washcloth to ease the itch and was unaware that I was scratching so hard I literally tore my face apart. I saw this when I made my first trip to the restroom 30 mins after Pieter was born. My face was a hot mess. I've decided for my next pregnancy, assuming there is one, I want to have a water birth with NO drugs. My drugs wore off and I went from no pain to the most intense pain you could imagine within seconds...all because of the specific drug my nurses insisted I take. I felt the whole birth. I could have done it with no meds from the start.

Why am I bringing this up tonight? For a lame reason haha...I decided to try Alli, the only FDA approved weight loss supplement. Nick and I are both taking it actually and we've been eating the exact same meals...so why, fucking why...have I had to live in the bathroom today? Nick has had no side effects! I've decided I can lose the weight on my own...I did do it before, I can do it again :-)