Spiderman.

Pieter has been watching the REAL Spiderman movies (the one with my husband, Toby McGuire) since he was 2. Jere had the movies at the house and Pieter insisted on watching all 3 over and over again. His favorite being Spiderman 3, with the scary "black Spiderman" of whom he was never scared. Anyway, about 3 weeks ago I noticed Spiderman would be making an appearance at the opening of Party City so I had to take Pieter. He was so excited! He threw his shoes on faster than I had ever seen and even put them on the right feet! I figured when we got there he would be one of those obnoxious kids that hangs on the person in costume and screams when it's time to go. Not my child, nope. He was SCARED. It took about 5 nudges to get him to even say hi to Mr. Spidey. The guy had a pretty fucking legit costume on I must say. I was expecting some cheaply made suit with velcro on the back, but this one was pretty convincing. After a while Pieter finally spoke to him. He couldn't stop bouncing his shoulders up and down though :-)

Fuck you.

So much for being with someone who loves me. Fuck you for making me cry. I don't cry. Fuck you for wanting everything I'm not. Fuck you for WANTING to be at work instead of being with me. Fuck you for only caring about yourself. I knew you'd be like this, why the fuck do I put up with you? I shouldn't have to. I'm not going to. Go find your modified disgusting whore who is willing to put up with the biggest douche bag I've ever met. Good luck finding her...you may just have to go crawling back to your mother.

Weddings!

So, this past weekend I shot my first wedding. I think I did a HORRIBLE job and definitely didn't get as many pictures as I would have liked to. Anyhow, I did get some beautiful ones and plan on blowing one up for Danielle and Josh this weekend :-) The wedding was beautiful and yes, I cried a couple times...blame it on the PMS and the fact that I had to see a grown man cry (kills me everytime). Here's my favorite photo....



I got home, sat down, and realized holy shiz my wedding is in a year! I contacted my mom on ideas about locations and she immediately suggested NPS. Nick and I want our wedding to be outdoors and in order to do that at NPS we have to change our date. The new date is.....9/10/10. It's a Friday so the ceremony will be in the evening (6ish) with the reception following right after at my parents house. I asked that my dad cook all the food bc I want BBQ :-) He agreed and is more than excited about it! I've begun my invite list and have around 60 people so far (hopefully not too many more), and have the wedding party already figured out.

Maid of Honor: Candice
Bridesmaids: Nichole, Alexis, Amy

Best Man: David Keller
Groomsman: Aurellio

Flower Girl: Gabriella Estrada
Ring Bearer: My handsome Pieter of course!

Here's a sample of the color we have chosen...it's called "apple" on David's Bridal.


My mom will be speaking to the lady sometime this week and we should be throwing down a deposit...omfg, it's really happening! Now all I have to do is take off 30 pounds beforehand and find a dress :-)

Check it out...

Here's my new website...

www.gookz.com


Click it!! I'll be your best friend :-)

I'm thinking...

I like the idea of being a photographer. When Nick told me he was sending me his Sony a100 I was giddy. Then I found out about taking pics in RAW format and couldn't contain myself. I'm obsessed with it and now Photoshop. After finding out my friend's wedding will be lit strictly by candle light I started freaking out SOOOOO Nick went and bought me an awesome wireless flash :-) It needs to get here ASAP so I can practice for a couple days! I've never been this excited about getting something!

Right now I'm teaching myself how to make HDR photographs. I'm hoping to have it fully down before the wedding so I can take a few of those. I'm a bit nervous, but Nick will be helping me so it'll be ok :-)

5 days! Wish me luck!

Where I was...

Eight years ago today I woke up before anyone in the house (well at the time we were livin' it up in a 2 bdrm apt with 5 people). I turned on the tv and every.single.channel. was tuned into the events that had just began unfolding in New York City. The first tower had already been hit. I was in shock and ran in to my parents room to wake up my dad. He jumped out of bed and immediately started making/receiving calls. I sat with my family and watched as the second building was being hit. My dad went into work early, and my mom took us all to school where we did nothing all day but sit and watch the news. Not one class took place that day. I watched fellow classmates cry realizing they knew or were related to people in those buildings. I didn't cry until I heard the Pentagon had been hit. That's when it became real, because my father was offered a position there no more than 3 months prior. He could have been in there.

I, along with everyone in the Nation I'm sure, felt completely numb the entire day. I came home from school and had my boyfriend at the time come over. We watched the replay over and over again, watched as the cameramen captured signs held up by small children that read things like
"help me find my daddy," we watched until I could barely keep my eyes open from crying.

This song will always, ALWAYS, remind me of that day. It gives me goosebumps every time I hear it.

"Fallen Embers" Music Video (Enya)

Nothing exciting!

I've done nothing extraordinarily exciting in the past week or so. Nick's mom's visit and the lack of money pretty much kept Pieter and I here at home. I'm lucky to have an awesome friend here in the complex, definitely makes for less boring days. I'm so excited for both her pregnancy and her wedding. I can't wait to take pictures of the wedding and in 7-8ish months hold a little mini Josh or Danielle :-) I'm starting to think I don't want another one. I know I've written in an earlier blog that I was all for it sooner than later, but now I'm thinking a lot later or not at all would be more beneficial. I'm not sure Nick (or his mother) will ever be ready for one, and I'm not one to force it. I'm content with my little man. I'd like to finish school and get a fantastical job before I even think about bringing another little one into my life. For now, I'd prefer to hold cute little babies that belong to someone else :-)

Nick and his mother found a few new places to visit here in the Charleston area. Nick insisted on taking me to one of them. It's a pier underneath this huge bridge near Mt. Pleasant. We walked it, I shot some pictures, and we finished the day with Pieter playing at the awesome park there.


Pieter wouldn't sit still long enough for me to get any good shots of him. I'm hoping to go back there another day at a different time of the day for better lighting.

Here's a picture of my Bingo Baby and my growing tomato plants. I have a few flowers on them now yippee! I can't wait to eat some homegrown tomatoes :-)

San Diego it is...

Everyone who knows Nick also knows he's a mommy's boy. So much so, I tend to taste a bit of vomit in the back of my throat. Anyhow, she is leaving today but definitely had some opinions to share while she was here. Nick sometimes (ok, all the time) listens to his mother rather than me, his fiance, his best friend of 8 years. That's cool...whatev. I've been telling him San Diego would make the most sense for our next move considering everyone we freakin' know is in CA. He didn't like my suggestion, but he llllooooovvvveeeddd the idea of San Diego when his "mommy" told him she wants him closer. We're now pretty convinced we'll be official San Diegoins by next October. I'm excited. I miss Cali :-(

I don't really want to go into too much about her visit. I got a bit upset so I decided I would let Nick and his mom have 2 days of alone time. She came by a few hours ago to say bye and thanked me for everything. Meaning Nick must have gone out of his way to point out everything I did for her...thank you baby. Pieter surprised her by saying "thank you" in Russian :-)

Now I'm just waiting for Nick to get home from dropping her off at the airport. I'm sure he'll be super sad...San Diego here we come (in 13 months)!!

Fucking frustrated.

I'm tired of so many things. I'm tired of not being happy. I'm tired of not being close to my family. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being tired. Yes, I'm happy with Nick...but for fuck sakes he makes me incredibly upset sometimes. Maybe he's stressed because his mom's coming tomorrow, maybe not. He's been a different person to me for the past 3 weeks or so. First, we blamed it on him being sick but all the tests came back saying he was fine (I punched him as I promised for abusing the sick card). Then we blamed it on him being tired...but the naps, early bed times, and 11/12 risings didn't bring back the Nick I like being around. I've decided to blame it on his job. It seems like it's getting more stressful, and he's for sure not used to that. On top of the stress, he's decided to work an unGodly amount of hours for the next 2 weeks. This week he's been getting up at 5:45 and getting to work at 6:30. I don't get to see him until around 7 at night now meaning he's pulling 12 hour days. Shoot me.

I'm not happy because Nick's not happy. I'm also not happy because I'm bored all day (unless Danielle's here of course), but I miss doing things with Nick. By the time he gets home Pieter's an hour away from bedtime so going places is not really an option or he'll sleep in the car. Nick doesn't comprehend that and gets upset with me for not wanting to go do stuff. Basically it's a lose/lose situation....fml.

Anyway, I've been trying to find stuff to do to keep myself and Pieter occupied. The pool has not been an option for the past few days because it's actually been quite chilly (about 78 during the day). Yesterday we walked around the complex and I took some photos of him. We got home and I played around with Photoshop while he watched Scooby Doo. Here are a few pictures from yesterday.

Last night...

There are some moments in my life that I tend not to share with people for fear I'll come across as weak. One of those moments re-entered my thoughts last night after a comment was made. Of course Nick had no idea I would have reacted the way I did otherwise he would have kept it to himself. I cried and he rubbed my back. I explained to him the things I put up with in a past relationship. Things that made me feel worthless and unpretty. Things Nick promised he would never put me through or mention ever again.

On a different note, this weekend was interesting. I spent 3 hours of Saturday taking a nap and it was fantastic. Sunday, Nick spent 5 HOURS! washing both of our cars....5 HOURS! He suggested I take some pictures of both Josh and his car so we were off. Unfortunately it started raining as we left so we went to grab some dinner while we waited for it to stop. Afterward we found an abandoned shopping center and I went to town with the camera. Here's a few of MY favorite shots :-)
I've been asked to take Danielle and Josh's wedding photos. I'm a bit nervous bc I'm a perfectionist and want to give them the best of the best. I will also be taking some portrait pictures for my neighbor and her son in 2 weeks...should be fun.

Anyway, I have to take care of my leg. The cat just used me as a scratching post!