Fridays :-)

I've decided to make Friday's a show and tell day...

I can't believe my baby will be 3 in a little over a month! Here's a video I made for his 1st bday :-)

RIP Michael :-(

Here's one of my favorite songs....

Could I be a comedian??

Is it strange that before I go to sleep I make up comedy skits in my head? I tell Nick on occasion that we could have our own reality show. I'd be the bitchy/sarcastic wifey and Nick would be the irritating/selfish/goofball husband with a typical naughty/silly/random 3 year old added to the mix. It would be laughs.

Last night we spent a good 2 hours listening to Nick's iTune jams in shuffle mode. This meant we'd go from an awesome old skool Snoop song to some random Ween song I've never heard of. Nick and Pieter danced their asses off while I tried to strictly keep my eyes on Pieter. Nick's moves aren't exactly a turn-on, so in order to continue being attracted to him I have to simply look away. This isn't anything new of course, I did the same exact thing when I first met him. When he'd ask me to dance, instead of being rude, I'd just turn my back to him and work it that way ;-)

Anyway, I decided to go to sleep a bit earlier than normal last night. I wasn't feeling very well and I was super tired from the night before. I think I was out cold at about 9:30. Nick crawled into bed at about 11. He woke me up and we talked for a bit, him making up the most ridiculous stories about an old man and his flag, and me snapping back with my sarcastic comments. We ended the night with a conversation about our culture. Nick, being a 6'3 Russian with blonde hair and blue eyes, decided he would sing a song that reminded him of his culture. I had rolled over and was waiting for something completely different than what came out of Nick's mouth. He started singing some Asian based hymns. I turned to him to see if he was serious, which he wasn't, but he wouldn't stop. Following his song he asked me to sing a song from my culture, to which I responded "Sippin' on Gin and Juice, laid back. With my mind on my money, and my money on my mind." He told me I wasn't black. I asked him, "you know the freckles on my body?" "Yah?" "That's my black trying to come out."

Nick's not Asian, although he'll beg to differ. I'm not black, DUH, but this entire conversation almost got me out of my bed to start writing. We should have our own show, seriously.

Medication+Me=Scary

I spent a good portion of my life as a self-proclaimed hypochondriac (well some doctors agreed) thanks to a lovely episode of Charlie Brown I watched when I was in 2nd grade. It was called "Why, Charlie Brown, Why?" and it FUCKED. ME. UP. Here's the rundown of the episode:

Linus is instantly taken with a cute blonde girl named Janice, who has enrolled at the neighborhood school. Needless to say, his heart falls as Janice is diagnosed with leukemia. As Janice loses her hair from chemotherapy, Linus challenges his classmates' narrow-minded attitudes towards her illness... while Snoopy tackles the role of "World's Greatest Surgeon." For decades, Why Charlie Brown, Why? has helped children to understand what happens when someone they love is sick.

Immediately following this show my "cancerous" symptoms appeared just like Janice's. I had bruises on my arms that took a while to go away, so I thought. I also convinced myself I was tired all the time and that I quite possibly had a fever. I put my parents through hell and back, although I think I put myself through more than anyone. I frequented the ER so many times for my "symptoms" I knew all the nurse's and doctor's names and even gave them gifts for the holidays. They treated me like they would any actual sick patient and for that I am thankful. For some reason the only person/people I could believe were the folks at the hospital. If my mom or dad told me nothing was wrong it would make my "symptoms" that much worse. I had panic attacks (and still do, but no where near as bad) so bad I actually couldn't breath and would get extremely dizzy. I found there were a couple things that helped when I felt a panic attack was coming. Sleeping in my parents bedroom, taking my placebo meds (TUMS...I was only 8...but ya they still do the trick to this day), and keeping the television on all night long. I've watched so many infomercials growing up it's insane.

Anyway, getting to the point of this blog. I grew up NOT wanting to take meds. I hate the idea of relying on medicine unless it's 100% necessary. I take TUMS, that's it for the most part. Occasionally I'll take an IB Profin, but only if I'm in severe enough pain. When I gave birth to my son I was sure I didn't want medications but was told I NEEDED them to make the process go faster. (Side note: You have to watch The Business of Being Born) I was given a shot in my back (NOT an epidural) to numb me from the waste down but was in shock when my entire body went numb. It caused one of the biggest panic attacks I've ever had. No one was prepared for my reaction to the drug and I ended up throwing up all over the place. Throughout the remainder of my labor I felt the same sensation you would feel as your foots waking up from my shoulders to the top of my head. It itched and hurt at the same time. I couldn't scratch the itch because it felt like it was inside my face. I ended up using a wet washcloth to ease the itch and was unaware that I was scratching so hard I literally tore my face apart. I saw this when I made my first trip to the restroom 30 mins after Pieter was born. My face was a hot mess. I've decided for my next pregnancy, assuming there is one, I want to have a water birth with NO drugs. My drugs wore off and I went from no pain to the most intense pain you could imagine within seconds...all because of the specific drug my nurses insisted I take. I felt the whole birth. I could have done it with no meds from the start.

Why am I bringing this up tonight? For a lame reason haha...I decided to try Alli, the only FDA approved weight loss supplement. Nick and I are both taking it actually and we've been eating the exact same meals...so why, fucking why...have I had to live in the bathroom today? Nick has had no side effects! I've decided I can lose the weight on my own...I did do it before, I can do it again :-)

"Summer, summer, summertime"

Right now Pieter and I are relaxing on our Craigslist couch. He's eating his whole wheat "toasties" and sippin' on his apple juice all while snuggled in my blanket. It's insane how big/smart he's getting. I'm trying to enjoy as much snuggle time as I can before he realizes he hates his mother and would prefer snuggling little blonde hotties. I'm assuming he's a blonde hottie sorta man already because I watch his eyes when one walks by. He usually strikes up a convo by telling them what he's doing (even if it's a complete lie). This past Friday morning there was a lady laying out at the pool and of course my son jumped on the opportunity to hit on her. The one-liner he used? "I'm going to the park!" When it was quite obvious we were in fact going swimming. She fell for it and gave Pieter a little pat on the back. He watched her the ENTIRE time we were swimming.

Pieter and I have been going swimming in the mornings because the heat is still bearable. I'm not sure if we will be going today because I'm not feeling too great. We went on a walk around the complex yesterday to shoot some pictures and I've decided I love taking pictures of bugs. Maybe it's because there are so many different ones here and they always manage to keep still. Here are a few of the bugs I've captured.



And here's my snuggle bug :-)

Some good news...

It's been 6 years since I've been to the dentist. I completely blame my past dentist for my anxiety/fear for going. Dr. Tran DDS in Monterey, CA can kiss my white ass ! He's one of those dentists that purposely does a shitty job to create more work (more profit) for later visits. He informed me 6 years ago that I had 10 cavities and needed a crown for one of them. I went back to have the crown molding done.

First of all, he never spoke to me; never told me what he was going to do next. I laid there completely numb on the left side of my face and could hear the grinding and feel the tugging, yet he never told me what he was doing. After about 20 minutes of it I started crying, no noises just silent tears. The nurse saw my tears and rubbed my shoulder and told me everything would be okay. I believed her and was able to relax again...a little. After everything was completed I was told to come back in a week to have the real crown put on, then I headed back to work. I've been numbed before and knew it took a while for the feeling to come back. I've never experienced pain after a dentist visit so I was bit surprised that just after leaving the office I could already feel a small amount of throbbing. I went to work anyway, got some lunch, and spoke to my mom about the experience. After about 30 minutes the numbing started wearing off FAST and I thought I was dying.

I've been in labor, I've pushed a 9.5 pound baby out of a 10cm hole...I know pain and I typically handle it well, but this was horrid. I couldn't think, I couldn't function, I couldn't do anything but cry. I called the dentist office and sobbed to them and they prescribed me codeine that my ex bf had to pick up for me. I was in pain for a good 2 hours before the meds kicked in. I was NOT happy to go back to get the real crown put on, but I went and almost threw up I was so nervous.

My friend asked me to accompany her to her dentist appt about a month after, and I couldn't even sit in the office. I knew I didn't have to get anything done, but just the noises and smells made me sick and anxious.

Anyway, I went yesterday after 6 years like I said. I definitely put up a fight, ask Nick. I came up with every single excuse I could, but none of them worked. I drove 34 miles to the office and was surprised by the inside...it was nothing like a dentist office. It had real bicycles hanging on the walls. You could hear the dentist and the dental assistance all talking with each other and the other patients in their sweet southern accents and my nervousness level completely dropped. The lady I had was awesome and was surprised that after 6 years I only had 2 new cavities and 1 old one that needed replacing. She asked me who did the fillings and crown and I told her about good old Dr. Tran and her words exactly were, "he did a crappy job!" I laughed because I knew he had too....bastard.

I've decided I like this dental office and I will be bringing the little man there soon.

Other good news...

PIETER IS POTTY TRAINED AT 2.75 YEARS OLD!!!!!

It was a good fight my son, but mommy fucking won this battle. Mommy=1 Pieter=0.

A few pics :-)

(Happy boy!)

(My sexy man!)

Blah

I don't even feel like posting anything. I feel sad/depressed/bored/useless/anxious, and I have for a few weeks now. I'm not trying to make this a feel bad for me posting so don't read it as that. I'm just tired of feeling like I fucked my life over (which I totally did). I'm in no way referring to having my son, because if anything he's the only thing I'm 100% happy about.

Job interview.

Maybe I have an anxiety problem. I get myself so worked up before interviews (it's been about 3 now in the past year) that I'm actually physically sick. I don't know what the problem is. The job description for the interview I have today was so un-detailed, I literally have NO idea what I would be doing. All I know is the job title is an Assistant Manager and that it's for an insurance company 1.4 miles from my apartment. I drove by to check it out with Nick on Friday. It look alright, but still.....I'm freakin' the fuck out!

____________________________________________________

**Update**

I went in and waited. After taking in everything from where I was seated I realized I walked into what seemed like a "Check-in-to- Cash" place. I overheard people trying to get loans because they didn't have ANY money to pay bills. Then a guy walked in, white envelope in hand which held his cash. He sat down and couldn't. stop. moving. the. whole. time. He kept peering out the window, and never once sat far enough in his chair to rest his back. He looked like someone was coming for him or something and it was 100% freaking me out. At this point I knew I didn't want the job. The posting was full of lies.

Lie #1

The ad specifically said it was an Assistant Management position. I was interviewed for a Customer Service Rep position. (I wouldn't have applied had I known.)

Lie #2

Ad mentioned it paid a little over $2000/month. The guy who interviewed me said it would be about $1310/month BEFORE taxes. (Again, I wouldn't have applied. $2000 a month is bearable as a second income, but $1310 would pay for childcare therefore it would be pointless.)

Lie #3

The job was said to be located in Summerville...right down the street from me. One of the main reasons I applied. This would save me money on gas, right? Turns out he's looking to place someone in one of his Charleston locations.

After nodding for 30 minutes and putting on my giant fake smile, I was happy to hear Nick agree that it was not the right job for me. I mean jeez! could you seriously see me cold-calling people demanding them pay their loans back? I don't even like answering phone calls from numbers I don't know. Calling them would be torture.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'll post more tomorrow...I have tons of pictures to post.

I wasn't joking...

Pieter and I didn't leave the house at all yesterday until Nick came home. We didn't go far though just made our daily trip to the mailbox and trash compactor. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this mugginess, seriously. I feel like I'm getting fat again because I can't get outside and walk anymore like I did daily with my mom.

Anyway, I took a few pictures yesterday because it was such an exciting day.

(Pieter loungin'. He realized about 5 minutes later that it was just too damn hot for a blanket.)


(My boy's beautiful eyelashes <3)

After some TV time I decided to change it up and I brought out Pieter's markers. I gave him 6 pieces of paper and told him to draw me some pictures. While he was drawing I decided to make him some flash cards. Home-made one's are much more fun, and I was happy to see I had a lot of stickers, colored paper, and glue left over from a scrapbooking project I did years ago. I worked on the cards for about 2 hours and made a huge mess!

Pieter didn't seem to mind the 2 hours of freedom with the markers. He colored himself more then the paper. Good thing I took all his clothes off ahead of time.

(The most beautiful belly button I've ever seen, wouldn't you agree?)

(Look at dem thick legs!)

After colorfest 2009, I put Pieter in the bath for an 30 minutes. It's nice having a garden tub in the master bath.I fill it with luke warm water and he plays in it like it's a pool :-)

Last night was interesting. We had our first night-time thunderstorm and it woke Pieter up 2 times. I put him down at 8 and Nick and I decided to go to bed early for once so we were out at 8:30. At 10 my little man came running in and tried to sleep in our bed. I made a decision early on that he was not allowed to ever sleep in my bed because I didn't want it to become a habit so I brought him back in his room and laid next to him on the floor. He fell back to sleep at 11:30, but was right back up at 1. Luckily he went right back to sleep because I was so tired and still am. So much for going to bed early, bleh.

This weather makes me lazy.

I have no motivation what so ever in this heat to do anything outside! Recently Nick's been taking my car to work so my only mode of transportation is walking. I would seriously have no problem with this, but the fact that it's 90 degrees with 70+% humidity every day now kills that idea. Today I decided to brave the heat and walked to Target. It's only about half-mile away so I didn't think it would be a big deal. I checked the weather radar on my iPhone, because the weather can change in seconds (fun, fun), and it looked clear so we were off. I had Pieter in his stroller because having him walk in this heat would just be torture. He ends up with sweat running down his face just going down the stairs. Anyway, we were half way there when I realized there's no freakin' shade ANYWHERE but by the front door of Target. I was sweating so bad the sudden temperature change when I walked in was shocking and I ended up being freezing. I've never been so excited for a store to have air conditioning. I wanted to stay till 2am when the heat is bearable, but I knew I couldn't so we shopped and headed home. I should mention that Pieter was a terror in the store. He thinks he should get everything he wants, and let's me and the rest of the store know how upset he is when he doesn't get it.

I haven't mentioned how potty training's going in a week or so, because I didn't want to jinx it. To my surprise Pieter's actually going pee on his own now! I don't have to remind him at all (I still do anyway when we're about to leave somewhere). Pooping is also improving. He's no longer wearing diapers at all now. He's in big boy underwear all day and in pull-ups at night. I'm so proud of him, I'm just hoping it keeps up and he starts pooping on his own. As soon as he's got it down I'm putting him in preschool :-)


Completely off topic, here's a picture taken from my dad's office in Florida. Fun weather ftw!

The many faces of Pieter.

We had a pretty good weekend. Yesterday Nick, Pieter and I went to a lake about 20 minutes from our house. We drove up expecting everyone and there mom to be there you know, because it was 85 degrees out and all. I think there were about 6 vehicles, 5 of which brought a boat along. We got out of the car and I let Pieter stand and wait outside of it while I gathered the sunscreen and my phone. About 3o seconds later he yelled, "OW MOMMY!" My mommy instincts could tell this was no ordinary cry for wolf type "ow" so I ran over and saw Pieter had stepped right on top of a red ant hill. I picked him up and ripped his sandals off and realized he had a good 30+ ants on his legs and feet so I did what most mom's would do, I slapped the ever loving shit out of those ants (and managed to not hurt/scare my child in the process haha!). He got bit 5 times and didn't shed one tear :-) Lucky for me he had no major side effects and the minor swelling around the bites went away within the hour.

(Pieter telling me about the experience.)

After that I was pretty much over the idea of walking the trail along side the lake but we went anyway. We found tiny frogs that I thought were grasshoppers until I caught one for Pieter.

(Photo by Nick)

There were multiple HUGE ant hills the whole way so I talked Pieter into holding my hand for most of the walk. We couldn't really see much of the lake but were getting closer to the clearing and we could definitely hear it...it sounded like the ocean. About 10 yards away from the clearing I heard this horribly loud rustle in the trees to the right of us so I grabbed Pieter's arm and picked him up. Right as he was resting on my hip 4 or 5 vulchers took off flying. It scared me so bad I almost peed my pants, ask Nick...he'll probably tell you I did...a little.

The trail was gorgeous minus the bugs and vulchers so I took over the camera for a bit to take a few shots.


Today was rather unadventurous. We cleaned the whole house. Pieter put on his helmet and tapped the walls with his plastic knee reflex examiner (I have no idea what those are called...but you know what I mean). He thought he was helping by making sure the walls were stable.


After all that cleaning we got ready for the babysitter to come. Turned out she miss understood me and thought Nick and I would just be heading to the gym, but we had planned to get dinner. It was my fault...BUT, she was nice and said she could bring him over to her house. Pieter had a good time while Nick and I had our first dinner alone in oh, 8 months? It was nice, but I was a bit nervous. I texted Leslie a few times to see how he was doing.

I'm not sure what happened within the 2 hours of being gone, but my guess is Leslie let Pieter watch 8 Mile. My God, is this not the best mean mug you've ever seen?? Watch out Eminem, looks like you have some competition!

Good Ol' Shirley Prussin

It's been about 8 months now since I've last seen Shirley. Three years ago I was cruisin' through Craigslist desperate to find a night-time job to help support my family when I found a very brief ad about a caregiver position in Pebble Beach. I was so excited because the person who wrote it said I could sleep when Shirley slept SWEET!! So I emailed. A few minutes after emailing I decided this was just too good of a deal so I had to call. It rang a few times and I was a bit surprised by the voice that entered my ear. It was that of an older woman and she was NOT happy to hear from me. I asked her if Annabel was available and she said "no" and hung up. Determined to get this job I called back. This time Annabel answered and explained everything to me and we set up a date to meet.

To be safe, because you never know what sort of crazies there are on Craigslist, I had Nichole join Pieter and I. At the time Pieter was super tiny, 3 months I believe. We drove through Pebble Beach and found the house and it seemed to be the only one left in it's original state. All the homes surrounding Shirley's were brand new and freakin' huge! Anyway, we got out of the car and met Annabel and Shirley at the door. Annabel had us cracking up the entire time and Shirley just kept her eyes on my little man the whole time. She seemed very coherent for someone with Dementia and the job sounded easy so I took it.

I started the following Monday and was able to sleep the whole night through. I thought it would be harder to leave Pieter, but it helped that I didn't have to be at work` until after I had put him to bed. I got home at 7:30am, just enough time for Chris to head off to work. This job was perfect.

Over the year I ended up getting super attached to Shirley. Having a 3 month old definitely prepared me for the patience I needed with her. I always told my mom, "if I have to hear this story again, I'm gonna...." usually it was rip my ears off, but I never, NEVER disrespected Shirley. There was one incident however, before I knew Shirley was not a fan of shopping, when we visited Safeway. I was told to use her checkbook to pay for her groceries so I did. After writing it all out I turned to have her sign it and she was very thrown aback by this. I watched her sign her name and I felt sad because her handwriting was so shaky. Once we got into the car she let me have it. She actually made me cry haha! She told me I was a thief and just wanted to steal her money. I felt hurt that she would even say those things about me even though I knew she didn't mean it. About an hour had passed and she had forgotten all about it but I was still sad (probably PMSing) and she came into the room I was in and said, "everything will be okay, sweetheart."

(I'm crying....)

Annabel said to me a few times, "I wish you could have met her before." I wish I could have. If you google her name you will find that she was very well known in the political community. She's gotten a number of awards and has supported numerous causes.

I went and saw her before I moved to Florida. She was in a home in Carmel Valley. She didn't remember my name anymore, so instead she greeted me with "hi, sweetheart." She remembered I had a child, but she still thought he was a tiny baby when in reality he was already 2. I went with her to her room, the room I helped set up when she transferred from her home to this place. I tried my hardest to make it look exactly like her room so she wouldn't freak out. Anyway, she showed me all the pictures and told me the same stories then excused herself to use the restroom. I sat on her bed and just stared at the pictures I had stared at for over a year. She came back out and we walked to common area where a few of her "friends" were sitting. She sat next to this woman and introduced her to me not realizing she was asleep. At this point I couldn't handle it anymore. I began tearing up, because just 2 months prior she knew my name and my son's name, and now she didn't.

I excused myself and told her I had to leave because Pieter was in the car (with Nick). She kissed my cheek and told me to come visit her again. I didn't tell her I was moving, I couldn't talk. I walked to the car and cried the whole way home. Part of the tears were because of her stupid disease and the other part was because I didn't know, and still don't know, if I will actually be able to see her again.

Here are a few pictures of her prior to her being diagnosed:

(Hillary Clinton and Shirley)

Gym time!

The babysitter's coming at 5 today so Nick and I can visit the gym here the apartment complex. I must say it's a pretty nice effin gym! No one's ever in it and it has everything you need.

Anyway, I don't really have any exciting news or even any exciting pictures to share today. I'm not really in the writing mood I guess.

**Right as I typed that a million, okay maybe only 2, things popped into my head.**

I wish I could still access the blog I wrote on Opendiary.com. I wrote in that at least twice a day for 3 years while I worked at NPS in Monterey. After I left my job I sort of abandoned it for a couple years, and when I went to sign in again it said my blog had been deleted. WTF! right? That was like a freakin' novel worth of stories about my life. They were funny, sad, and very VERY personal and it's completely gone. Oh well I guess. That's what happens when you neglect something.

Well, I'm going to clean my apartment before Leslie gets here. Pieter's super excited to see her!

(Oh, the other thing that popped into my head is nunya businass ;-) )

HOT HOT HOT!

I really wasn't expecting to begin sweating the minute I opened the front door. It's amazing that I'm not shedding pounds in this heat, because I am constantly sweating my butt off. Yesterday we attempted a trip to the park before heading to the National Forest of Charles Town. Pieter and I walked over there, both of sweating profusely, to find that we couldn't even touch the damn playground because the plastic was 10 degrees away from melting. So, today I made a trip to Walmart to find some creative INDOOR activities to do. Pieter loves to color, but I usually don't let him because he's already colored the walls, floors, cabinets, and my mom's antique chair. So, today I bought him one of those huge poster boards and so far so good! Mom, his art work will be given to you when we visit.


Before we move on to the next topic I'd like everyone reading to take a gander at the booty on my child. He's definitely mine :-)

I put an ad out on Craigslist about 3 weeks ago and definitely got a number of emails in regards to finding a sitter for the man. I have a REEEEAAAALLLLY hard time leaving him with just anyone so 9/10 of the responses were immediately deleted based on grammatical errors and by the vibe I got while reading. This is the email from the girl I chose....

"Hi, my name is Lesley and I am interested in sitting for you on the occasional nights that you may need. I am experienced with all ages of children. I am CPR certified and have taken many classes in child growth and development. I can provide references upon request and am open to a background check. Please let me know if you are interested in meeting with me. I can be reached via e-mail or cell at 214 4285.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Lesley

I picked her because this exactly what my emails looked like to potential babysitting clients (minus the CPR certified...ya ya). Anyway, I had her come by for an hour last week and Pieter was actually crying when she had to leave....AWESOME! So, Nick and I have hired her for Wednesday so we can go to the gym again.

I'm also super excited about meeting another Boerlage in 2 weeks. I met her through Facebook and we're planning on going out for a drink on the 12th :-)